Split personality. But I love you damn it.

Aaaah London.
How you like to fondle my emotions.
In between awkward indecision and triumphant brilliance when it comes to weather, you can both excite and crumble me. With a mere light murdering cloud you can convince me I am the loneliest being on Earth and keep me inside for days. Then you present me with a hint of sun and a rainbow of Autumn leaves and I am back to believing I am the luckiest being on Earth to be here with you.
Never have I lived in such a impetuous, passionate and vehement city....I am constantly reminded of just how alive I am.
Thank you London, for the tears, the joy, and the wake up calls you have provided to remind me every day of how amazing being human is.We have 4 months left together, and I intend to rise, as I have again and again, to your challenges.

Frustration

I only have 2 more weeks of my current teaching position to go. CANT FUCKING WAIT TO FINISH!!!! I am just so done with it....yet the money problems always find me and push me back in there. Anyway, I'm desperately trying to stay positive and focus on my work (which I have had to put aside for the past 4 weeks - damn you rent!!), but it is coming along, and there are things in the pipeline. I am having an exhibition at Spitalfields art market in East London over 4 days (dates to be announced) in December, and there is a definite exhibition buzz (as mentioned in previous posts) happening with the help of my amazing friend and housemate Marc...thought I would share with you some reference photographs I am using in my paintings...enjoy x

Back home

Its amazing what gets left on the internet after you have long forgotten it. Through my google account, which I never used to pay much attention to, I have just stumbled across some photos from a previous blog that I thought Id share. They are from my house/studio at home in Australia, and I'm not going to lie, the comfort and space I used to have back then to create does make me a little homesick! It also reminds me of what a home really is. Warm, creative, safe, and comfortable. x

The butterfly effect.

OK, so for a long time now, Ive been 'gonna' do so so much.
Im gonna start a business.
Im gonna have an exhibition in London.
Im gonna have a market stall.
Im gonna lose weight.
Im gonna save money.
Im gonna move to Berlin.
Are any of these things unrealistic? No. Can I achieve any one of these things in a relatively short amount of time? Absolutely. So why am I still spending my free time saying gonna? It sounds so easy to do these things. Truth is, motivation is something that once caught, takes me to amazing places. Catching it, much like a butterfly, can be somewhat frustrating. But today Im not letting that fucker fly away as it has done so many times lately.
I no longer have a day job. I was a teacher, a very good, legitimate, financially stable job. But it wasn't making me happy. Since I was old enought to think on my own, I have wanted to be free to discover my own creativity. I have wanted to create art, to make new things, to discover new ideas, and to inspire, impress and excite others with what I do. Isn't that what teaching is meant to give me? No, apparently not. Does this make me a bad teacher? Not worthy because I didn't work hard enough to make these things happen? Maybe.
I have so many things I want to do, I have trouble focusing on one path. But lately I have realised, it doesn't matter which one I choose. Whatever I go with, painting, illustration, photography, design, writing, fashion.....it will be the start of the life I have always wanted to live. Sure, I have to be realistic, I have to make a living, I have to pay rent - all of that. But as a very dear friend of mine told me recently, I will always find a way (thank you Sarah Edwards). I have been through tough times- no, not as tough as some people, but bad enough to make me wonder if I should just give up. But I never did. If I can handle things I have been through in the past, I can bloody well handle anything a lack of financial instability can throw at me.
Two people have come into my life this year who have changed my perception of myself, and the world around me greatly. They are both amazing souls who are still searching for their paths, as I am, but from the short time I have known them, they are showing me how bright the future is, and that there are people on this Earth that can show indescribable warmth, belief, and inspiration in the blink of an eyelid. Or as the case may be, a nice cold gin and tonic.
So today Im gonna do some things, Im gonna start something beautiful.
No really, I am. And if you dont start seeing the fruits of my gonna labours here...well you can assume Im still chasing that damn butterfly.

 

Image here